ridiculous enough..
i feel sort of a nostalgia or pathos
with this kind of scene..
certainly because i do not have any experience on real war
where i could be dead so easily in a misery..
where i could be terrified under the extreme brutality..
but also because i just like to appreciate
the symbolic representation of the war machine
as a man's blind pursuit of a powerfulness.
i like to be with them.. among the soldiers..
riding on top of the machine.. like the one on horseback..
in the midst of the morning fog..
in the middle of thundering sounds
of the engine of the machines..
with the colleagues sharing all those hardships..
..
definitely now you see my insanity..
sorry.. :p
I should have become a soldier..
a lonely solider.. responsible for the lives of his men
fighting against enemy to survive
for himself, for his community
and for his ideology if lucky enough..
However though..
I had only a chance of getting 6 months of military training
to become an entry-level officer in the army.
And as soon as I got the badges of insignia
on my shoulders to become a platoon leader,
I got discharged from the obligatory military service
since I passed the national exam substituting
3 years of service to only 6 months..
The opportunity was given only to the qualified students
of having master degree or higher.
I at least enjoyed the military training programs
which made me lot closer to the wild nature of human being
as a man.. only with his own flesh and brain..
of course with the minimum set of weapons for survival.
I am just on my reflection of those days as a man..
Over night walking for 100km
with all the heavy military gears on the back..
Roadside walking for returning to barrack in the midnight
watching movie-scene sort of shadows of my colleagues
walking in a long row under the headlights of 2 and half trucks..
Trajectory of red-orange color of the bullets
in the night by M-60 machine gun..
with good feeling of recoiling for automatic fire..
Military orienteering under the full moon light..
...
and incessant feeling of hunger..
and chilly, chilly and chilly.. everyday in the fall & winter..
I actually like the weird feelings that I had not been accustomed to.. by that time..
I joined only 6 months of military training instead of full 3 years of service which applies all the healthy boys in Korea. At then there was a national program allowing only 6 months of service for the graduates of master degree or higher if they pass nation wide qualification exam. I really enjoyed the 6 months of military training program to be an army officer. After the training all the trainees became officers, i.e. platoon leaders, then discharged at the same day. Not until then I never seriously thought about becoming a professional military officer though my father was one of the high ranking officer in the army who had serviced for almost 40 years. The six months slot in my life remains as very special one which I enjoyed a lot with all the physical trainings, comradeship and the very closed & much constrained daily life in barrack. Specifically I loved walking.. walking straight almost 24 hours with all those heavy military gears with rifle and walking in the rain after midnight when we got back from firing range.. For me all those programs were sort of survival games without paying anything.. Republic of Korea, actually all the tax paying Korean citizens paid for the money.. though my colleagues never understood my mentality.. how could you ENJOY the military things??
(photo source http://bemil.chosun.com/nbrd/gallery/view.html?b_bbs_id=10065&pn=1&num=3728)
